I went to Choate and was shopping at Vineyard Vines in the late 90s when it was a single store in Edgartown. Then, I spent more than a decade working in finance. So I’m an expert on the subject.
Let me tell you about guys who wear Vineyard Vines. They:
- Boast about high school sports accomplishments
- Kiss their dogs on the lips but their kids on the forehead
- Wear flip flops in Manhattan
- Hate affirmative action but love nepotism
- Tell fraternity stories
- Leave bathroom stalls with 3 layers of toilet paper on the seat
- Bro-hug other guys they’ve met once
- Haze interns unnecessarily
- Love Will Ferrell movies
- Give themselves nicknames. “People call me Two-two; it was my Lacrosse number.”
- Bribe college admissions offices
- Drink White Claw
- Leave old prep school stickers on their Wagoneers
- Mime golf swings in the office
- Punctuate thoughts with “it is what it is”
- Dress like dicks at weddings
- Get their talking points from Tucker Carlson and Ben Shapiro
- Repeat the same stories at parties
- Make fun of fat people at the gym
- Give unsolicited advice, even to people who are more accomplished
- Sign work emails with “Cheers”
- Wear statement socks
- Live vicariously through a pro sports team
- Refer to the bathroom as “the head”
- Insult their friends in public to impress a girl
- Cheat at golf, and on their partners
This article was inspired by something I wrote a couple of weeks ago, listing a few things I like (books, travel, fashion, games) this summer, and a few things that I don’t like (Peloton, AirPods, White Claw, Lululemon shorts). And of course, Vineyard Vines.
I also wrote about my relatively recent discovery of Mizzen & Main shirts. Most of my shirts come from Savile Row or Taipan Pan Row (my tailor in Hong Kong), so I have high expectations of my dress shirts.
But at the price point, Mizzen are now, by far, the best shirts I own. They are slimming and fit just as well as my custom shirts. The material is high quality and stretchy, so they are as comfortable as a t-shirt. They repel moisture so there are no sweat stains. And best of all, they are low maintenance — wrinkle-free and machine washable.
After I wrote that, they were kind enough to reach out and send me a box of samples from their new fall line, which I can’t recommend highly enough.
So I wanted to thank them by articulating what I think about Vineyard Vines, and what I know about the guys who wear them.
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John LeFevre is the creator of @GSElevator, the founder of a fashion line, a podcast host, and the author of the New York Times bestselling book, Straight To Hell: True Tales of Deviance, Debauchery, And Billion-Dollar Deals, currently in development as a major motion picture.